Thursday, April 19, 2012

Guilty Conscience

Today has been a very long day.  It's been a very long week for that matter.  The hubster is traveling, work has been absolutely insane after coming home from vacation and trying to get caught back up, and things at home are a little piled up as well.  Combine the stress of what is the day to day this week with a headache and two whiny, over-tired kids and you get a mommy who loses her cool.  I had a little mommy temper tantrum tonight. A little meltdown.  And I'm feeling bad.  I did apologize to my kids who were on the receiving end of my raised voice rant, but still...not feeling so good about the fact that I lost control of my temper.  Yes, the dog did chew up the 5th pair of shoes for the week.  Yes, the girls were screaming at each other in the bath tub at the top of their lungs.   Yes, I have laundry coming out of every nook and cranny in this house, a raging headache, and the inability to sleep soundly while my husband is away.  But it's not really like me to lose my cool like that.  All eyes bulging out of my head and steam coming out of my ears mad.

I had a mommy temper tantrum.
A little mommy meltdown.
And...well...I feel bad.
I did, of course, apologize to my kids who were on the receiving end of my raised voice rant, but I still feel absolutely horrible.  Not my style.  So I suppose I have some making up to do.  I am thinking, though, that at some point, something has to give.  I don't want a repeat of this performance.  I don't want to be that parent.  I love my kids.  I love their noise and their laughter and even their messes.  So why the melt down?  I'm just plain overwhelmed.  Seems like as good a time as any to re-evaluate things and try to figure out how to keep this from happening again.  I have never been a half-way kind of girl.  I like to do anything and everything I do to the absolute best of my ability.  It's the super-nerd inside me fighting to get out.  Half-way is about all I can muster these days, though, because that seems to be all I have time for.  Must work on a game plan for coping with all of this in a better way.  More wine, perhaps??  :-)

I think I'll go test that theory and see if it helps- I'll be back a little later to share a Make It Monday challenge entry as well so you'll have something pretty to look at, too.  Thanks for reading my vent and allowing me to clear my conscience just a bit.


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